Collectively, we aren’t considering ourselves fans of 2021, but we also should recognize there were highlights among the dark days. As difficult as the year has been, and as much as I certainly appreciate the memes decrying 2021's existence, I am spending a few moments to reflect back on how the year has unfolded over the months. Some of the review is Queer Chocolatier related and some of it is personal development or detriment. And I’ll wrap up this review with wild prognostication for 2022 because why not!?!

January

The first month of 2021 kicked me in the teeth. I was simultaneously ramping up production for Valentine’s Day and winding down occupying my space in the Village. My bean-to-bar experience was growing but at a frantic pace and less lesson-learning as I was purely focused on making good base chocolate for rolling out thousands of truffles. Freshly-made chocolate was instantly turned into ganache and instantly rolled into truffles and nearly-instantly shipped.

It was exhausting.

But then one of my melangers stopped working!

It gave me much needed break and forced me to learn some basic machinery and mechanical skills which makes me a more well-rounded chocolatier and chocolate maker in the long run.

But it sure came at a tough time. Don’t all those moments just?

February

Valentine’s Day is the biggest holiday for the chocolate industry. It’s also a day that has a lot of heteronormativity everywhere you look.

Valentine’s Day can stand to have a bit more rainbow splashed across it, in my fabulous opinion.

Anytime I fulfilled orders for Valentine’s, I’m always happy to read the messages people put in for their recipients. But I feel especially lucky and happy when the couple is in the LGBTQ+ community because I can understand how hard it can be to celebrate a holiday that is seemingly catered to heterosexual couples.

When people choose me and my business for gift-giving in these scenarios, I feel genuinely connected to my community and I feel very fortunate to be a part of a loving celebration!

March

Craft food businesses—including coffee, beer, wine, cheese, bread, and chocolate--are overrepresented by men. Access to capital is a big hurdle for women to overcome in entrepreneurship.

Even when that hurdle is cleared, more hurdles remain in our lanes.

Mentorship can also be difficult to obtain when developing a craft. But I look to a lot of women, from a distance and over the course of time, to learn skills and techniques and build community. I watch what other women create along their own journey and read what they put out for the world to see. I learn from them even if they don’t know I’m one of their students.

Women are the backbone of chocolate and agriculture at large. From the cocoa bean to placing the bar of chocolate in your hands, women are at every step of the way.

A big way to show appreciation for all that women do for our food is to open doors and to expand access to capital to allow them to be excellent stewards of their craft.

April

The pandemic rages on across the world and I received both of my Moderna vaccines in the month of April.

I remain grateful to have this access while still fully cognizant that much of the world does not and even while some of our near neighbors choose not.

I remain committed to being responsible to my community. Getting vaccinated (and boosted) is but a piece of that responsibility.

May

I had a very strange social media experience in May of this year.

I won’t go into a whole lot of details but one of my regular customers sent me a message on Facebook that included a link to another nearby business's post that was beyond controversial.

Typically, as a business owner myself, I don’t engage on other businesses' social media in a critical way. If I engage, it is nearly always to share posts or encourage others to check out and follow the work of my colleagues.

But the nature and content of this post was abhorrent so I engaged. I did so transparently as a business owner as well. I didn’t hide who I was and I didn’t take a cheap shot; I was direct in my clear opposition to the business owner's shameful comments about workers and the stereotypes he used in describing them.

I went to bed that Sunday evening right after posting my comment around 10:30pm (let’s be real, I was in bed when I posted it because it was really late for me!)

But when I woke up the next morning, I had nearly 2,000 likes on my comment and lots of new followers to my business page. I’d had around 3,500 followers prior to my commenting but, by the end of that week, I had over 10,000!!

Honestly, I had a pretty big social anxiety attack over it all.

I felt like I got a whole lot of attention over a tiny bit of action on my part. It was all overwhelming really.

Do I regret my engagement over this? No absolutely not. Workers deserve dignity. Non workers do as well. But I would brace my future self if this were to happen again.

And even amidst all the anxiety, I had so many kind and caring folks reach out and chat with me. Some were local and some were way afield. Some had never heard of my business before and others reached out to check on their old pal Morgan. It was a weird time and yet another reminder of what social media can do and what a platform it provides.

June

Pride month this year was a wonderful time of adventure and community and indelible moments to carry me throughout my lifetime.

That may sound hyperbolic but it is true.

Not only was I recognized by my community for providing a safe and sober space, I also hit my Kickstarter goal (in two weeks at that!) to create a micro factory to expand into bean-to-bar chocolate making.

The day I reached my Kickstarter goal also fell on Opening Night for Muncie Civic Theatre's production of The Wizard of Oz. In March, I took a big leap and auditioned for the role of Aunt Em. I love The Wizard of Oz for many reasons, not least of which is due to my grandma being named Dorothy. Having never been in any sort of theatrical project, I was a nervous wreck and felt way out of my comfort zone. I wasn’t automatically good at acting and having been in professional control for the last few years, it was discouraging at first to not be great at a new thing.

But I made lots of new friends, had a wonderful experience in trying something new and challenging, and learned more about myself along the way. And I got to meet some younger queer folk which was a pure delight since I looked up to them for their talent and they seemed to have a soft spot in their hearts for me and Queer Chocolatier in return!

July

Coming off a theater performance and Kickstarter goal reached, I finally got the keys to the next home of Queer Chocolatier and began demolition work with a large loving crew of volunteers! In two short weeks we did a lot of demo, hauling out over three tons of material!

But then, even after we took out almost all the walls in the space, I ran right into a large metaphorical wall.

I had to file construction plans with the State of Indiana, per the local building commissioner, and it required a whole new set of steps (and much more money) than I had originally anticipated.

I’m still trying to push through, climb over, or go around this wall, but it is still between me and opening the business.

Here is when my year began to fall into decline. I placed things on pause for awhile as I wrapped my arms around the work ahead, so the decline didn’t start of sharply, but the extended pause was its own sort of challenge.

Growing pains, especially if they involve pauses and lack of control, are quite painful.

August

Queer Chocolatier has a TikTok account!

Devon runs it because they are hilarious and youthful.

While we were at the onset of our construction pause, we explored this new platform and Devon is a natural at bringing their brand of humor to our business and beyond.

While I aspire to get their approval when I run meme drafts by them, I came to learn that they have similar aspirations but it is to win Cheri's approval instead of mine.

Apparently there is an arbiter of cool and it ain’t me…

September

The old saying of “make hay while the sun is shining” is something I took the spirit of while kinda doing the opposite!

During my construction pause, I continued to check in with my pals at Muncie Map Co. to pass the time and buy new magnets (and help inspire a new magnet even!) but I noticed that burnout was creeping in on my friends. I offered to watch their shop for a couple of weeks so they could get a rest and recharge.

Working through burnout is impossible.

I learned more about Muncie, their shop, magnet-making, and being downtown while watching their shop during that time than I had previously understood! It was a lot of fun but more importantly I want to be there for my friends when I can. I want all of our local small businesses to do well and if I can help make that more of a possibility, I feel compelled to try.

We got each other, through the good and the bad.

October

The bad showed up at my doorstep.

My construction costs were quoted well beyond my financial abilities and I felt crushed and small. I couldn’t see a way to get through this reinforced wall and realized that I needed space to think and breathe.

I rented a car and drove to New Mexico's White Sands National Park then up to Arches National Park in Utah. My solo trip took me to places I’d never seen before. I needed to see new things in new ways and gain perspective and clarity.

I saw a familiar face on my drive when I unexpectedly drove through a town called Liberal, Kansas! The home of Dorothy Gale is located here (as a part of their tourism center) and it felt like the universe was rooting for me and my happiness when I drove along my path only to stumble across it!

In Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, I met a new face and made a new friend! Lee was more than hospitable and gave me a rather generous pep talk that they have no clue how impactful it was to my emotional well-being. The universe provided again!

And while I felt welcome in these parts of the world and saw new vistas, I cannot say I solved my initial and immediate problem. I can say I learned more about myself again and found I have some deeper things to work on and explore about myself and that matters more than my business ever will.

A healthy Morgan became my paramount goal.

This remains my focus going into the new year and I’m grateful this trip helped me realize its importance.

NOVEMBER

November was a big bright spot in the midst of the down part of the year. Not only was I honored by receiving the Muncie Mayor's Art Awards in the Maker category but Cheri and I bought a house!!! Being recognized by my city for the work I’ve done over the last four years and finally being a homeowner really made me feel settled in myself even while other things remained uncertain.

I have to say I struggled with being honored as I felt the last year has been so much of a holding pattern rather than working. I felt I wasn’t deserving if I wasn’t actively working in the business for the public to engage. But the thing is, people see tips of icebergs floating along the surface of the oceans. Underneath each is the unseen work and labor that goes into the creations we are all dedicated to. Cheri helped me realize I was actually being seen, that the behind-the-scenes work was being acknowledged and respected.

I am grateful that my efforts are well-received.

December

In the final month of the year, I felt great despair.

I felt I had run out of options with the business; I couldn’t move forward but I also couldn’t quit. Both were too expensive.

I still do not have the answers.

But I started working on the space just to move my hands and feet, and to occupy my mind with something beyond despair.

If I fail to open, at least I've transformed the space and gave it my all.

But the more I work on the space, I become more hopeful that something will work out.

I turned 42 in December and have made it my goal to focus on bettering my health and wellness during this new year of existence. Going more gently on myself mentally (while actually going kinda hard on myself physically by sanding floors and climbing scaffolding) has been my guiding principle the last couple of weeks and will be carried on in the new year.

Dark winter days are never good for me, but if I keep moving, the days will pass and grow lighter and warmer and new things are bound to happen.

I could sum it up by saying I know where mt towel is and remind myself of the famous words: Don’t Panic. We’re all just hitchhiking along in the galaxy!

2022…

Who knows, right? I started this blog posted on 12/31/2021 and already on 1/1/2022 I’ve had a life-changing experience.

I had a distant family member from my father’s side reach out to me on 23andMe. I don’t know and have never known my father or anything about him and now I’m learning pieces of my own history that were nothing more than shadow and mystery.

Expect the unexpected is something my wife always says to me.

Things should come easy.

Efforting, or trying overly hard, isn't going to make things work. Trusting the process and trusting the universe is how things work; give grace and space for things to work out on their own without putting my own limitations to them.

My hope for 2022 is that it passes gently for all of us and that we learn to be gentle and good to ourselves. If this happens, everything else will fall into place. And I hope to serve you extraordinary chocolate when it all does!